My Wandering Thoughts

I swear you can’t read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in a certain school district.

Spellings have been left intact.

> 1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

> 2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
> 3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
> 4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
> 5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
> 6. John has been absent because he had two te eth taken out of his face.
> 7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
> 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
> 9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
> 10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
> 11. Pleasee xcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
> 12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
> 13. Irving was absent yesterday be c ause h e missed his bust.
> 14 Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
> 15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
> 16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
> 17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
>18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

> 19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
> 20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
> 21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover
> 22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
> 23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night
 >>—–>So don’t we wish these won’t be us as feature ahh, fewture err, future (whatever!) payrents to our keeds?… hmm… just onedering.

          Usong topiko ngayon ang kahirapan. Not because it is fashionable but because most of us are buried deep in it. 

          Rallies are everywhere again.  Pero

sana

lang when rallies happen, para lang iparating ang hinaing at manggising ng kinauukulan.  Destruction of public properties and disruption of the general peace and order should be avoided.  Lalo lang tatagal ang tulong para sa atin kasi maaabala pa ang kinauukulan sa paggasta at pagkumpuni ng mga nasira at pagpapanumbalik sa kaayusan.

         Kawalan ng trabaho ang isang itinuturong dahilan at sangayon ako diyan ngunit hindi rin naman tama na ibunton ang lahat ng sisi sa gobyerno.

         I don’t know if it is just the media playing us or it is the actual truth. Marami sa mga ipinapalabas ay hindi man lang magpasalamat sa natatanggap na  pera galing sa gobyerno sa halip ay naghahangad pa ng mas malaki. Mabuti nga iyon at sila ay nakatanggap na hindi

gaya

ng iba na wala. Kulang ba ang tulong o sobra lang tayong mapanghangad ng pangmadaliang grasya.  Alin ba ang mas mainam, meron kahit kaunti o iyong talagang walang-wala?

         I want to be enlightened about whether population growth really has no contribution on the poverty of a country.  Personally, I believe it has. 

         Tingnan natin ang isang pamilya ng

lima

sa isang mahirap na komunidad.  Ilan sa mga bata ang makakapag-aral, ilan ang sasabak agad sa trabaho upang makatulong, ilan ang magkakaroon ng sapat na kaalaman upang makahanap ng disenteng trabaho? At ilan pa ba ang maisisilang sa pamilyang ito?  I heard an argument that in every mouth added in a family is not necessarily a burden for with it come two hands and two feet.  Nandoon na ako pero bago pakinabangan ang mga biyas na iyon ay ang pagpapalaki muna sa nagmamayari sa mga ito at pagbibigay edukasyon nang sa gayon ay makatulong at magamit sa wastong paraan those two hands and two feet that come with that mouth that needs feeding.  Of course a big family is happy but honestly, until when will they be happy when everyday they hear are the grumblings of a hungry stomach, the creak of an overcrowded shanty, and the suppressed sighs of overburdened parents, or see the blisters at the hands of under paid under aged sibs, sons or daughters or the envy in their eyes for children their age that go to school, wear decent clothes and eat decent meals even if sometimes late?  I am not pessimistic; this is just the truth no matter how harsh.

What’s wrong with family control?  I have nothing against big families if they are living well even for a daily basis but for a big family that still gets bigger even when the odds barely meet, then nandoon ang problema.  I can’t help but notice na ang malalaki pa manding pamilya ay iyong medyo or talagang hikahos sa buhay then blame the world for getting poorer each time.  I hope this doesn’t make me an opponent of the pro-lifers dahil ako man ay against sa abortion and abortionists but really, is it any different from bringing a child in this world and subject them to daily tortures of poverty?  Is condom bad? As far as I’m concerned, life only begins at the union of gametes that do not happen in condom use- I am not promoting the product, I am simply saying the very basic principle involved in its use.  Withdrawal?  Well, maybe it is effective but com’on I believe only a few are really that good in self-control in that department otherwise they would have opted for abstinence- and again that’s not bad either, in fact, I believe everybody agrees that it is the most effective birth control. So next time, instead of simply saying pro-life, why don’t we try pro-decent living condition life?

Of course paghihirap is what brings the best in us at times but let us face it, that is just the optimistic and philosophical part of it, the instance when suffering ends into something good but without sugar coating it, the other side of it would be child labor, crimes committed just to survive or the hatred to powers that be both divine and human at the instance when volleys of trials drive our noses closer to the grindstone and still seem not to end.

Again, hindi natin mareresolba ang mga bagay sa pagbibintang sa iba ng mga bagay na sa simula’t sapul ay alam naman natin sa ating sarili na kaya nating labanan sa pinakatamang maaaring paraan.  Hindi masama ang humingi ng tulong sa iba o sa gobyerno man ang masama ay ang di man lang pagpapasalamat pagdating ng tulong maliit man o kahit pa kulang kumpara sa wala.  Kahit naman kasi mga trabaho na bigay ng gobyerno, kahit simple ay nangangailangan ng mga kaalaman kahit sabihin pa na basic sa school and yet hindi matanggap ang iba sa mahihirap na pamilya dahil dito and the cycle starts again in blaming the government when the problem is in fact within.

We can do this; all we have to do is believe and most importantly, act responsibly.

Hi guys, it’s been quite a while since I posted anything.

I tried my hands on some paintings of landscapes, waterscapes, flowers, pets both imagined and real (I tried my amateur’s best to be as close as possible to my models) using watercolors, color pencil and I took some snapshots of my mom’s garden flowers. Some of them served me as good enough wallpapers and screensavers for my cell phone and PC (oh well, who else would I expect to patronize my works, right? Lol!).

I included baby pix of my pamangkins, they are now teenagers though but I just love these pix so candid, innocent and because I am their proud uncle, lovable.

Enjoy the pix.

Keep safe.

            I had been debating with myself about writing this or not and guess what? I really don’t care if I’ll be called ‘di makabayan’ or ‘walang pakialam’ but I beg to disagree.

           All these ZTE stuff, rallies, PP II, III or IV? gee, I lost count or just a proof of my being walang pakialam? it’s kind of being a cycle now, anytime na meron tayong di gusto, rally, personally I am tired! Besides, kung sino naman ang namuno noon ay sila uli ang nangunguna ngayon, what, are they getting a high out of this? As if they were any good when they were on the seat of power. Are they trying to rectify themselves or exonerate their past? Well, can’t help but think ha?

            JLo? Yeah, yeah, he may be telling the truth now but why? To save his hide primarily and not entirely for the sake of telling it. And whatever it’s worth, let’s not forget he was part of the original gang before this whole expose thing, right?

            And the rallies, disrupting traffic, disturbing work and getting even the children and students away from the schools- what’s with that? Pag natapakan naman, aangal; pag nabigwasan, magdedemanda; pag pinigilan, sasabihing ginagawa lang naman nila ang kanilang trabaho as if the law enforcers who stop them aren’t doing their job too? And some are suing the law enforcement kasi they enforced the law. What’s next, we’ll sue the judiciary kung ‘di natin magugustuhan ang result ng investigations?

            Old politicians with renewed aspirations for power are obviously using the people’s enthusiasm for PP as an excuse to be visible again, those who aspire for higher positions are grandstanding and old personal grudges are grinding active- again and lesser known organizations are joining in for publicity or real concern?

            The church, is it not supposed to be separate from the state? Should it not be there to guide and not dip itself in political matters?

            Students and children, go back to school! Parents paid for you to learn and not be on the streets. You have the right to know? It’s your government too? You are the future? Yeah, yeah and your parents have the right to get their efforts’ worth of education in school and not out of it. Participation can be stressed by simply being aware and remember what is happening while studying hard and when election comes again, vote for the more deserving ones. Or you’re simply

enjoying being out of school- join the rally for five minutes para lang makita ni ma’am then gimik for the rest of the day? Hmmm…

            And what is the judicial system for? I am not saying there are no legitimate good intentions and do-gooders for I believe they are many among the pretenders but why don’t we just wait for the investigating team to do their job and trust in their power, knowledge, and fair judgment I mean, it is what we have them for right?

            Well, I am just as confused as you are. We all are, I think and the proof? heto- ‘di pa man napapatalsik ang presidente ay may issue na agad about the VP’s capability to govern just in case!

            Nakakalito ‘di ba?

PS:

so far i’ve gotten quite a number of violent reactions to this write up and i am equally glad and sad. please read it as a whole and between the lines and don’t just pick at a line that contradicts your opinion or worst pick it to pieces.

this is discussion guys, NOT DISPASSION:

i’ve been accused of ignorance to what i said and to some degree i agree to that. biased?.. some but not unaware. subjective in my opinions?.. naturally!!!

nasubukan ko daw ba magrally? no because i am busy working para may magamit. nasubukan ko na daw ba mapagod at mabilad sa araw? not much except when i was looking for work at dahil most of the time, parents ko ang nagpagod to get me in school so , di ko gaanong na-experience ang masyadong kahirapan- thanks to my parents na iginapang ako para mag-aral at di madanas ang kanilang paghihirap at sayangin ang lahat ng iyon. i am working now para di man sila mahiga sa pera ay di naman na bumalik sa kahirapang dinanas nila noon.

so how dare i say the things i said? this is how.

we are suffering i know, i am fully painfully aware of that pero gaya ng sinabi ko na, bakit di natin ibuhos ang lahat ng hinanakit, galit at sentimyento sa tamang panahon? sa ELECTION! sa pagkakataong iyon let us be smarter and vote for the least kurakot. for i believe that wahatever we achieve or not in this time is more binding than whatever we achieve in rallies that may bring about fast results pero in the end the solutions are also hastened to fill in the present void at hindi kinokonsidera ang hinaharap. ilang presidente na nga ang napatalsik ng PP/Rallies dahil kurakot sila pero nakuntento ba tayo sa pumalit? hindi, kasi ang mga sagot na napapala natin ay panandalian lamang dahil iyon ang nais natin sa ngayon na siguradong magbabago bukas-makalawa o isang minuto lang pagkalipas.

let us aim for the lasting solution and not just the present just because it is what we want at the moment or think we want.

     Com’on guys, I am elated and all but really, should you be asking me advices about love? As you’ve seen revealed, I suck at it. So would you wanna succeed in love or end up like me?

     Anywayz, I’ll give it a shot:

     My mistakes: read them (ahem, mag-promote ba ng blog?), learn from them and stay away from them!

     I love you: say it only when you really feel it and when you really feel it, say it often and best yet, show it whenever you can (the love I mean, ok? Lest you wanna be cuffed for exhibitionism he he he).

     I’m sorry: say it only when you really mean it and when you really mean it, say it sparingly and best yet, avoid circumstances that will make you say it.

     Promises: no false promises just to earn pogi/ganda points. Keep them; it will earn you more pogi/ganda points.

     Sharing, space and understanding: while it’s true that lovers share things eventually, don’t forget that each is still an individual in some aspects. Respect personal space and privacy. There has to be a balance for sharing and time alone with one’s self.

     The future: it’s sweet and smart planning ahead and envisioning life in the future together but don’t miss the present, enjoy each moment when you are together, build good memories to look back to so when the day passes by and there’s no going back, you have no regrets, only smiles.

     And as I have said, I am no authority when it comes to this topic. And you’ve probably heard before all that I’ve said so, that should do it. The rest will be left for you to explore after all, adventure and discovery are part of the spices of life in general and of a relationship in particular.

     “I am sorry honey but I am moving on along. You gave me the best of days of my life and I long for them and I miss you so badly that there’s nothing I’d want more but you.

     I am being honest when I say the love I feel for you is not lost just held back. Given the right circumstances, I’d choose you over and again but it’ll never happen and we’ll never be together again.

     No, no, please don’t be guilty. It’s not you honey, it’s me, it’s about time I give myself a breather and be released from your memories.

     I want to finally tell myself I won’t be unfair to the good times we shared, I had my moments of loneliness and broken-heartedness and I had overcome the worst of the pain and the loneliest of solitude- my time has come to be over the grief that chained me for so long.

     Thanks for having been a part of me. You will not be forgotten.

     Bye honey, I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.”

     JanBelisario

     Tanggap ko na kahit sa sarili ko na tinamaan nga ako. Kasi it’s been years now pero siya pa rin ang bukambibig ko, sa nakaraan pa rin bumabalik-balik ang isip ko.

     Pathetic? Maybe. Hopeless? Could be. Madly in love? Quite possibly. Or just plain mad?… Definitely?…

     Ilang ulit na akong namamaalam sa nakaraan at ilang ulit na nabigo. Sa bawat pagtalikod sa nakalipas at ala-ala ay kasabay ang pangakong ‘di na muling lilingon pa. Muli sa sandaling ito ay ang tahimik kong hiling na ito na ang huling pagkakataon at kayanin ko nang tuluyang isara ang kahapon.

     Magpapatuloy ako because I owe myself that much. Kaya kailangan kong mamuhay sa kasalukuyan na kung saan ang sinuman ay nararapat malagay, kung saan may naghihintay pang ibang posibilidad at katotohanan- sa kasalukuyan kung saan muli kong mararamdaman na pwede pa ako muling magmahal.

     Hindi ko na hinahangad ang isang pag-ibig na hihigit sa kanya o kahit papantay man lamang ngunit sisikapin ko na sinumang kakatok sa puso ko at tatanggapin ako ay siya na ring hahawak sa susi nito.

Since I started writing, many have sent me messages of how they can relate to what I write and to that I am sincerely grateful.

Many have sent comments particularly on the first two I published ANG BATAYAN and FALLING OUT OF LOVE but more on inis kasi daw ang hahaba, though some did like the tender moments described there and they were a good read after all (biglang bawi sila e, no?).

Again, thanx so much.

That was because I poured in a lot of thought in them and emotions as well. Some actually suggested that I republish them in chapters or parts but honestly, I feel a bit embarrassed doing so, medyo korni kasi ang dating e pag may itutuloy (as if di korni ‘yong mas maiiksing sumunod no? he he he) and I am steering away from the (unwanted) feelings that might get revived when I go over those two again so I decided against it.

One suggestion though, try to highlight the particular blog, right click to copy then open a new window for MS word, right click then there to paste, to save for later this way you can go back to it anytime you are free and offline. I got this helpful hint when I asked someone why she did not make this comment in the comment section of the blog- kasi nga daw, sa haba ng sinulat ko, this is what she did and she just sent me a message ng matapos NA niya mabasa ANG lahat (aray! Ayan kasi, kulit ko eh, nasermonan pa tuloy ako he he he, just asking madam, sori na po he he he).

To all of you, I appreciate the time you spare to read my writings.

Keep safe.

JAN BELISARIO

I wore my new shirt today and as I stood at her doorstep, I was slightly nervous practicing my lines. 

She answered after three chimes issued from her doorbell.

“Yes?” she slightly arched an eyebrow, her pretty face largely obscured by the chain-locked door. “Can I help you?”

“Well uh,” I almost shuffled my feet. “We’ve met before at a coffee shop.” She was about to speak but I kept on, afraid she would close the door to my face. “I asked your name and you said Angina.”

“I am sorry but I don’t remember meeting you before.” That and she motioned to close the door. I wedged my foot to block her and insisted, “You know me! And I swear, you told me your name was Angina… Angina Pectoris!”

She was shocked of my action and suddenly moved her hand that steadied her heaving chest to her mouth… then giggled… then doubled over to suppress a laugh as she struggled to free the chain off the door. In between laughs she said, “Halika na nga!”

“See I told you, di ka uubra sa role-playing eh.” I went in and settled in a chair. Still teary-eyed from laughing sagot niya, “Paano corny ka eh, angina pectoris ka diyan! Ginawa mong chest pain ang pangalan kong maganda.”

I smiled as she laughed some more, “My name is Melody but to you sir,  I’m Medy. Not Angina, not Pectoris but Medy,” napatawa na rin ako sa kakornihan ng joke ko. “Isa pa, I had to let you in, baka kasunod mo na sekyu ng mall na dinekwatan mo nyan,” she tugged at my sleeve. We both chuckled.

“You have to admit though, I look good in it,” I said.

“OK,” she said intentionally sounding unconvinced. 

“Com’on, I do!” I insisted. “Fine! But only if you say I look good myself,” she countered.

“Agreed!” then she invited me to the kitchen.

“So, Medz, February 13, eight pm and here you are with me, talaga bang Andrew cannot cancel out his job appointment today?” Her lively mood wavered a bit and countered, “Bakit, ayaw mo ko kasama?”

“Of course I do! Kita mo nga bago pa damit ko para lang magpa-cute sa ‘yo… and kailan pa ‘ko tumanggi sa spaghetti na may white sauce at fried chicken?”

“Hmp, ‘di lumitaw ang totoong foods lang habol mo ‘tsaka ok na sana eh kaso, carbonara ‘to!” at paingos siyang tumungo sa microwave.

“Ops, he-he-he!”

“He-he-he ka diyan! O, ayan, sabi ni Andrew, basta lang daw busog ka eh safe ako dito sa iyo!”

“Loko ‘yon ah!”

We were actually in Andrew’s flat. He called me to stay with her for a while to finish up a business deal. He called her to say I was coming over to stay as he close the deal. Andrew is a very good friend and it follows that she is too.

Over a beer in can for me and iced tea for her, we talked as the night deepened, about nothing and everything yet her loveliness seemed to increase rather than wilt with each minute ticking by in fact, she was bubbly the whole time.

At twelve-forty nine am Andrew came rushing at the door, maybe a dozen peach-colored roses in one hand and a box of white chocolate in the other. She practically leapt from her seat to meet him.

They greeted happy heart’s day to each other then kissed and hugged unabashedly. I cleared my throat and that’s when she blushed profusely. I grinned, “Oh com’on, really it’s fine,” I waved my hand in mock disinterest.

Andrew thanked me a lot and Medy too then kissed me lightly on the cheek when I left.

Along the way, I was pleasantly smiling as I realize how truly in love they were.  In retrospect, I don’t remember her saying anything bad about him, neither did she show impatience while waiting nor did she scoff at his unexpected work commitment- the reason siguro kaya she glows, she understands the situation and personally, I know Andrew to be honest and a straight arrow when it comes to her. She must be aware of it too and knowing them for sometime now, she is equally devoted to him. And he did not apologize of his unpunctuality to think that it was a date-interrupted nor did she hint to ask for one- they simply basked in their present and in each others’ presence.

What I witnessed was a mature and secure relationship and I am almost sure that if they keep it that way, the future is theirs to own and shape into a healthy family

And if you’re reading this on the 14^th, stop! Go out and see someone he he he… hmm, speaking of Valentine’s Day, I wish I have one like this myself pero bago ‘yan kailangan ko muna ng ka-date, he he he.

I used to be happy, carefree, content, happy, optimistic, social, happy… oh, so you’ve noticed.

No, no, that wasn’t poor editing, I repeated happy intentionally.

I am not exactly sad just unhappy. I am not trying to confuse you either but you see, I’m sure you’ve been in a situation too where you can smile at funny circumstances, roar with laughter at some hilarious jokes or crack one when your turn has come or just be there hanging out but when it all came to pass, you feel a void somewhere and you know something’s amiss.

This is not desperation either I just long for those times when somebody loves me: somebody is beside me and shares her warmth, her words or even just to hear the synchrony of our breaths in the silence of the night with our fingers interlaced or just look into someone’s face: the eyes, the smile and the affection personified in there or caress a silky arm, touch a supple waist or just her long dark hair trailing off the scent of her shampoo that you’ve started to like as well.

Somebody did use to love me. Hell, more than just one somebody used to love me that I can afford to ‘be in love’ to more than one at the same time but those days were gone and I am all that’s left. Alone. Behind. Feeling incomplete.

Funny. Now, I am often told that I am insensitive, just when I have learned to be careful of other’s feelings and selfish because I only think about myself and not take advantage of a situation. I have been out and about of course but only to be part of the crowd again, I have not yet ventured the grounds where I used to play- even when I clearly could roll the ball and somebody clearly would keep it rolling for me, with me.

Maybe I am not ready, maybe I am afraid or maybe I have just not yet found the one to whom I’ll fall for and rushing in isn’t going to be any help.

Aah… I’m feeling a headache coming. This couple of beers must have been a bad idea after all, I think I am going to sleep… i

n my side of the bed…

and just wish that someday… I will wake up…

and find the other side…

lain in by someone I love… and loves me back..…

WRITING

Some feedbacks I got said I write well. Some would like to
express themselves with the ease I have in expressing myself by narratives.
Gee, thanks so much.

 
Of course there are constructive criticisms like grammatical
errors and better choices of words more suitable for a situation I have for a
story. Gee, thanks… I guess?

 
Well, I have no secret for effectively expressing myself
this way though I follow certain formula like knowing what exactly I want to
share, how far I want the readers in into the details and of course how I want
the series of events to unfold. I try to look where I should emphasize and
where details are left to the readers’ imagination. Also taking into
consideration potential readers, as much as possible I try to include them in
the story, to invoke in them certain feelings and keep them in the equation by
posing questions and keeping situations realistic and universal if not a
majority’s case. Embellishing details is part of sharing, it keeps readers
wondering, analyzing and even sometimes challenging the situation presented to
them and some humor injected here and there would lighten up the heaviness of
the theme or monotony of the topic.

 
I do not worry so much of the grammar although of course, I
try to go over my work once, twice and if some errors still elude me then, that
is my limit as far as I am concerned and the language I use depends on which I
am more comfortable with at the time I feel the urge to write. I once wrote in
Ilocano and was called by the school faculty to rewrite in English but I
insisted that the thought would be better brought across since the audience is
largely Ilocanos.

 
With the wordings, one unfathomable but appropriate
vocabulary in a paragraph should do the trick- the thesaurus makes wonders and
a very helpful element of a PC just to stay away from repeating a word over
again but take into account that wordiness tends to make even a well thought
prose boring. Then again, when I am writing, these things come only second to
my goal of sharing and wanting to reach out and be understood (in short,
maghanap ng kakampi).

 
I remember once reading a novel and I needed a dictionary
literally by my side just to understand the one chapter I started. I ended up
reading the dictionary instead as I found it more entertaining.

 
I don’t deny that I used to write to impress and those were
the times when I wanted to win literary contests and I did win, thanks God! But
now I only write to be heard, to share and be one of the many who only want to
know that they share feelings, situations with others even just in the web-
somehow blogging is made more personal, humanized and set apart from being just
a mechanical, technical thing that we do to pass time.

 
So there my fans (naks, biglang lumaki ang ulo e, no?), I
mean, friends, write from the heart, to share and express yourselves. Feel free
and ignore the pressure of creating an impressive piece instead, compose one
that conveys what you feel in a way that is easily understood and felt